EDU Prosetry

When I was in the second grade I remember being placed in the group known as the Blue Birds. The Blue Birds group was the reading group comprised of the students who were a little behind in their reading. We read thinner books with words that all the students in the Red Bird group knew. I remember being embarrassed during reading time because all of my friends were part of the Red Bird group and I was not. It was at that point I begin to think that I was not as smart as my friends.

Throughout my grade 2-12 years, and still today, I judged my success in comparison to that Red Bird group. I was determined to not remain in the group with all the blue birds. My best friend, Nikki, was a member of the Red Bird group. She does not know this, in fact only recently did I become aware of it, but I have always tried to stay one step ahead of her because I did not want to fall back behind.

Tracking, for the most part is detrimental to students. Had I not developed the desire within myself to excel, I question if I would have become the first person in my family to obtain a college degree. I understand that there needs to be a time set aside to assist students who may be struggling to catch up, but I wonder how this can occur without sacrificing the self esteem of students along the way.

Serene Being

I am still afraid. The fear seems to be getting worse, but the passion I have for wanting to teach is growing. At the end of this week my fellow cohorts, professors, and I spent some time together at one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. Before I delve into this retreat and why it heightened my since of fear I am going to take the moment to explain the name of the place.

 It is called Serenbe. This word is a combination of two very important words to me: serenity and be. The reason these words are important is because I am on a quest to find the moment in life where I am serene and can just be…I am in search of true freedom. I believe that becoming a teacher will aid me in my quest in reaching that point. I believe this because in learning how to teach children and in challenging what I have learned about life and the world over the course of my academic career, I learn more about myself.

At Serenbe the quest to learn more about myself continued. I know I want to teach. However, it was here that I realized that I am still not doing enough. There is only so much one individual can do…however, I feel I can be doing more. During the retreat there was a workshop presentation done by Michael and Jessy Melina. They work with an organization called QECR: Quality Education as a Constitutional Right. This organization is fighting to get an amendment added into the constitution that will ensure that all children have the right to a quality education. In their fight for this, the organization is trying to define what the idea of a quality education entails.

During their presentation a video was shown about a demonstration that took place in Annapolis, Maryland. The demonstrators were part of a group called Algebra, an affiliate of QECR. A member of this organization was killed by someone who dropped out of school. The demonstrators concluded that the lack of education causes there to be no life. Maryland was awarded a large amount of money to be issued to the public schools; however, this money was never issued. The demonstrators were demanding that the money be issued to the schools in order to better the quality of education which in turn will aid to end the cycle of death.

Watching this video I found myself trying to hold back tears. Partly because I was embarrassed that I was the only person getting teary eyed, but more importantly I found myself holding back tears because I was not doing more. I feel there is so much I could be doing. It is one thing to talk about change but it is another to take real action. I felt moved by these young students taking a stand! I felt motivated! I am motivated.

But where do I begin? How can I start to become more active when I barely have time to do my homework?  Having real conversations about real issues is one way. Through conversation with my peers I learn more. For example, at the retreat we had a discussion about a chapter in the Steinberg book The Ethnic Myth. The chapter is entitled “The Ignominious Origins of Ethnic Pluralism in America”.  Steinberg writes about the ugly, nasty, and often ignored parts of America’s racial history. In reading the chapter I learned new things, painful things about the Trail of Tears and other events that shaped the United States. The question that seems to be the root of our discussion is: Why is history not being taught truthfully in schools? Why is it being water downed and condensed into something that is more palatable. History in schools is like sugar added to medicine…it is necessary but must taste good going down.

During this conversation I kept reviewing my experiences with the teaching of history. What I found to be a consistent is that teachers often taught history in a way to be considerate of their own feelings and the feelings of the students in the classroom. But this is the problem! History, in my opinion needs to be taught more like a science. The facts need to be presented and the opportunity given to students to form their own opinions about these facts. History happened and what actually happened, no matter how painful, needs to be taught in schools.

The teaching of real history is an act of activism. Like the students who demonstrated in Annapolis, a teacher who teaches the truth is ensuring a quality education and ending the cycle of death.

Knowing this causes fear in me. The reason being is because I wonder how I will respond. Do I have the courage to teach the truth even if that means risking being reprimanded?  What if in doing so I have to risk my job as a teacher? Will I still be able to stand up for what is right?  I like to think I have the coverage to…however I am afraid of what I will actually do.

Today and Today and Today…is the beginning of the rest of my life. It is on this day that I began the journey of becoming a member of the underpaid, over worked, under appreciated group of professionals. It is on today that I began to feel that for the first time in my academic career I am doing something that feels right. Today I began my journey on my quest to become a teacher and I must admit…I am afraid.This feeling of fear has been festering for sometime, lingering quietly in the corner of my body. It could be found in that crevasse between the pinky toe and the one next to it. Hiding. It is there that I keep those memories, thoughts, and realities I want to stay as far away from my brain as possible. It was buried deep within because I was worried that by embracing my fear I would be forced to deal with it, and in dealing with this fear I may start to question my reasoning behind my wanting to become a teacher.I sometimes think I do not know enough to be a teacher. I fear that my ignorance may cause me to “mis-educate” my students. I fear that I will do more harm than good in the classroom. I fear that I will be ineffective. At Georgia State, I am currently enrolled in a program that vows to equip me with the necessary tools be a successful teacher. As much as I want to believe that…I am still afraid.